a year ago today... i found out the truth.
or what i thought was the truth. when i thought my dream was realized. what a stupid thought it was. i was convinced of this so called truth. but later realized it must have been a sham. because that dream i thought was coming true, never happened! it never happened and it was never persued. which only makes me believe that i was lied to.
so really what i should be saying is: year ago today, i found out what i presumed to be the truth, which in actually was all a big lie that ended up hurting me in a way know one really knows, and will probably never know.

for a while, that hurt subsided and i could enjoy myself. however, the hurt never really left. i dont know if its because this is the anniversary of what happened, if its simply power of suggestions because of my friends, or if this is authentic... but that hurt is coming back, full force. and i dont know how to deal with it.

it makes me feel like a bad person. i just cant believe this is happening all over again. it makes me wonder if i will have to put up with this unhappiness for a few more years.

im really stressed and im almost to my breaking point. i dont know how much more of this i can take without losing it.